. . currently , i’m trying to find my way through life , YES ! i still don’t know what i want to do with myself but i’ll figure it out & i hope it’s soon because damn time is flying , within the last 7 years i been through HELL , i mean i had my good times but overall you wouldn’t be able to walk a block in my sneakers , you wouldn’t realize when i’m going through something because i keep everything bottled in & i wear stress well , i cover it up good with this cute ass smile of mine lol , but deep down inside i’m hurt , & it all started when my father passed away when i was 19 , LAWD i thought my life was going to end that was my ROLL DAWGGGG , i was daddy’s little girl , 19 for me was sort of my beginning stage at life i just graduated or was in the process of graduating high school , that’s when i started worrying about BOYS & all the irrelevant sh*t , we never had the chance to speak about how a man should treat a women & vice versa i only went off how i saw my parents love each other , this sort of effected my ” love life ” i was always stuck between caring too much or caring too little , i always ended up doing the hurting or getting hurt because i was vulnerable , i didn’t know how to love right so i loved to the best of my ability at least i thought i did, i would use money & sex to show my love which is totally wrong but i thought it was okay, usually we tend to think things are okay because we are immuned to it & now it became a habi ; well for me cheating & lying was a habit, i thought i would get away with it unfortunately i got caught , but it’s that’s all apart of growing & learning, as time went by i realized lying & cheating was not only hurting me but it was hurting the person i told i ”i love you too”, just because you cheat & lie do that mean you aren’t in love ? NO ! it doesn’t it just mean your selfish & i was selfish when it came to other people’s feelings, i didn’t care i was still hurt that my father passed, at this moment i’m sure your thinking ” well what does this have to do with anything” it have A LOT to do with everything ” & let me tell you how, your first love is your father ( from a female perspective at least ) he’s the first man your suppose to love & the first man to love you back, if you have no male figure in your life you would be LOST & to be honest i was lost but i still knew right from wrong but i wanted to do what i wanted to do
written: September 6,2017
𝚡𝚘.
𝔱𝔥𝔢𝚅𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔢𝚅𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔢𝚢𝙶𝔯𝔩.
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